Larry Shushansky

About Larry Shushansky

Rhode-Island based therapist, Larry Shushansky, has over thirty years of experience as a counselor and social worker. After graduating with a masters degree in social work in 1980, Larry went on to set up family therapy programs within non-profit and for-profit organizations, direct a residential facility for adolescents, and perform clinical work in hospitals, mental health centers, and family service agencies. For the past 25 years, Larry has delivered therapy in private practice, helping thousands of individuals, couples, and families become happier through his unique insight into relationships of all kinds. In addition to an active public speaking schedule, Larry has shared his Independent Enough approach in The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, Fast Company, The Everyday Power Blog, EverUp, and many others.

Security vs. Spontaneity

We all settle into our relationships after a while. Meaning, we interact with the same people the same way most of the time. Our interactions become standardized. Routine. That's how my wife knows the answer to the riddle I ask our friends and relatives a million times: "Why do I love bananas?" Most of the

By | December 6th, 2017|0 Comments

The Best Relationships Are 80/20

Most of us think relationships should be 50/50. That is, each person should give and take the “same amount.” They should meet in the middle and they should take turns “getting their way” or “leading” the relationship.” We all seem to strive for a relationship that’s equal in every way. But relationships (and life) usually

By | November 22nd, 2017|0 Comments

To Help or Not To Help?

In our last blog, we talked about a friend of mine in New York City who didn't go "rescue" his wife who had broken down near the Brooklyn Bridge. Response to that blog has been mixed. A number of people said the story made them think of how often they take care of people in

By | November 16th, 2017|0 Comments

Trust Me: They Can Handle It

Recently, I was in New York City. My wife and I were going to the symphony with another couple and we planned to go out to dinner first. My friend’s wife was supposed to meet us at the restaurant, because she had to work late. Just before ordering, my friend got a text from his

By | October 11th, 2017|2 Comments

Don’t Shy Away from What Your Relationships Are Telling You

I have a friend who constantly argues about money with his wife. He thinks the conflict is about how his wife spends too much money while he tries to save by bringing his own lunch to work, making his own coffee in the morning, choosing the least expensive item on the menu when they go

By | September 28th, 2017|0 Comments

Providing Our Own Needs

When we don’t get what we want in our relationships and we lose ourselves in our own neediness, then to be happy, we have to figure out how we can provide ourselves what we’re not getting from someone else. We have to figure out how we can make ourselves feel secure, warm, loved, comfortable, important,

By | September 10th, 2017|1 Comment

Independent Enough from Ourselves

All conflict in relationships comes from dependency. Whenever we depend on someone else for our well-being, there’s potential for conflict. That’s not to say that all dependency is bad—because it’s impossible to be in a relationship without a certain level of dependency—but when there’s conflict, we know it’s because we’re being too dependent. When we

By | August 23rd, 2017|0 Comments

Step Four & Five: Re-Engage and Repeat

A few years ago, a friend of mine and his wife had a baby. I took a step back from worrying about what gift to get them, reflected on how often we joke around, and decided to give them a gag gift. I took a container, labeled it “SURVIVAL KIT” and filled it with things

By | August 9th, 2017|0 Comments

Step Three: Decide to Make Changes

Now that we’ve gotten some psychological distance and done some self-reflection, we’re ready to make a decision about how we want to change (or not change). Keep in mind: The decision must be tied to the insight we’ve gained about ourselves during our self-reflection. In this step, we’re not making the changes, we’re deciding what

By | August 2nd, 2017|0 Comments

Step Two: Self Reflection

I overheard two sisters talking the other day. The older sister was maybe 7 years old, the other was 4 or 5. The older sister asks: “Why do you always copy everything I do?” “I don’t know,” the younger sister replies. “Well, stop it!” “I can’t,” the younger sister says. What a great interchange. It

By | July 26th, 2017|3 Comments