This is a story about a man and woman who initially got along really well. They talked for hours about everything and anything. He felt close to her and she felt close to him. Then, as the relationship went on, he lost interest while she wanted to spend more time together. He was hesitant, thinking, “You know, it’s just not there. I don’t really feel it anymore.”
This story could be anyone’s story. Most of our long-term relationships start out great, then become distant and we either continue on in the hopes that things will get better, they don’t, and we eventually give up or we actually do what we need to do to make the relationship grow and evolve into something we want.
To think that we’re wonderful enough that once we connect with another person it’s enough to sit back and let them keep coming to us because we’re so great is foolish. Yet, a lot of us do just that.
The man in the story thought he had gotten all the good feelings he could get and because he doesn’t feel that same “force” anymore, he’s done. But what about the part he played initially in creating that closeness he experienced? He did call her. He did think about her. He did go out with her to places he thought she might like. He did do all the things he needed to do to create those good feelings. But then he stopped.
He wonders, “Where did the love go?” And then makes up all kinds of reasons such as: “She’s too needy. She won’t give me the space I need. I’m not in the right frame of mind to be in a serious relationship. I don’t have the time and it’s not fair to her if I continue” (as if he’s doing her a favor). But where did his love for her go? When did he stop working on the relationship? He could have created the love he was looking for; he could have evolved his feelings to be more of what he wanted. He just didn’t try.
Because we often don’t know which direction our relationships will go when we start them, we are often hesitant to take a chance and evolve them. But only through moving our relationships forward do we have the potential to create the love we’re looking for.
My relationship with _____________________ is (stale, uncertain, confusing, frustrating). I will have the courage to move the relationship forward, regardless of where I think it might go by doing ________________________.